Undone (Unbound Trilogy Book 2) Page 11

  She gave me a piece of it today without even knowing it. I laughed so much today, the high of it hasn’t come close to wearing off yet.

  These past few weeks, my anguish has wrung me out until I was dry inside. I’ve cried until no more tears would fall. My heart still feels as raw as if a winter wind blew right through my skin.

  Everything that was said between Logan and me has given me whiplash. I’ve gone over it all, back and forth, night and day. It’s a constant throb. An ache that would spike whenever it felt like it.

  The one thing I pushed aside was Shadow. There isn’t anything I can do about him for the time being.

  I didn’t know what to do, and it drove me to the brink of insanity.

  “You’re driving us crazy and stretching yourself thin, Ellie. Either you forgive and forget, or you drown in misery.” Those words from Norah one night when she stayed up late with me kicked my ass in gear. Fairly certain Renita told her to light a spark under my ass.

  I sat down with the two of them and my aunt Sandy this morning and talked more than I have since I found out about Whitney and Logan. There’s something cathartic about talking and getting things off your chest. Before I did that though, I had to figure things out on my own and I have.

  Every emotion has toppled through me. During this time, they’ve grown, they’ve helped me see that without pain, there’s no gain. This time has made me understand why people do the things they do, why they sacrifice, why they give, why they take and why they win and lose.

  “Ellie, come on. You haf to make sure I show Daddy right.” I jolt back to the present from Lexi’s excitement and make my way toward her and Lane.

  “I did it, Daddy. I dove into the pool, and I didn’t have to hold my nose. I didn’t even swallow any water either. Ellie taught me how to do a diving pose; it’s different than when you ask me to pose for a picture.” She stands stock-still with his hands at her sides, her chin tucked, and her belly sucked in. I stifle my laugh as she pauses and waits for me to meet them where they stand on the porch before showing Lane how I taught her to position herself.

  “Then I put my arms out like this, count to three and went headfirst into the water. There wasn’t as much splash as when I do a cannonball. Way, way less than when you throw me in the air. It was perfect, right, Ellie?”

  We have to work on not puffing out her cheeks and placing her arms straight out in front of her. Regardless, she’s a great swimmer. Seems to love it too.

  It takes everything in me not to burst out laughing, especially as Lexi continues to hold her breath as she lifts her head, taking a little peek at her dad and me before placing her head back between her outstretched arms. “You sure did. Now you and I have another thing we can do together. Although, you won’t be doing anything if you don’t stop holding your breath.”

  I laugh when she lets out an exaggerated huff of air.

  “I can hold my breath for a long, long time. Someday I’m going to swim the whole length of the pool underwater like you did today. They have lessons, Daddy. Can I take them, please? Oh, and there was this super cute boy that kept looking at me too. I think he likes me because he kept looking at me like this.” She puts her hands on her hips, juts one out and makes her best impression of a scowl. If it’s the little boy I’m thinking about, he was getting into trouble, and his father was obnoxiously loud and Little Miss Curious kept looking his way. “He didn’t look at me in the way Tristan from pre-school looks at me though.”

  I raise a brow and Lane turns white.

  “Whoa, back up a minute. Who the hell is Tristan?”

  I can’t look at Lane without cracking up, so I turn away and place my hand over my mouth.

  Laughter. It’s going to boil out of me all from a little girl and her dad.

  I’ve spent most of the day with Lexi while Lane dealt with personal things. I called her as I promised and the smart little girl went out on her own to ask if I’d take her swimming today and since the store closes at noon on Saturday, and I had nothing else to do, I gladly said yes. So when Lane got on the phone, I told him I was more than happy to take her. It was the perfect reprieve from my troubles. I needed it too. Gliding through the water has always brought me out of my head. It relaxes me. Allows me to escape my past. It is as free as I’ll ever be; only one other thing has ever come close in years, and that was the time I spent on the back of Logan’s motorcycle.

  “You said a bad word — money in the jar, Daddy. The jar is almost full. With Uncle Sef on vacation, you can swear all you want.”

  “Is that so?” My hand flies over my heart. These men have to be worried out of their minds about Seth.

  “Well no, saying bad words isn’t nice. Tristan is a boy at school. I don’t like him. I tell him that every day when he asks me to be his girlfriend. You don’t have to worry about boys and me, Ellie told me they are trouble and to stay far, far away from them until I’m at least twenty-five. So I guess I won’t like boys the way you don’t like girls. Because when I grow up, I want to be just like you, Daddy, minus a penis. I don’t want to grow one of those. Know what else I did? I did the maf and your three more years older than twenty-five. I figured that out all by myself with no help from Ellie.”

  My laughter is turning into tears listening to her ramble away at Lane like she’s much wiser than her years. She really is though.

  I chance a glance at Lane over my shoulder. The poor guy is running his hands down his face and through his hair. That white face has now changed to red.

  “I’m proud of you for doing the math on your own. Who said I didn’t like girls and let’s not discuss boy parts until you turn twenty-five, okay? You and I are not having this discussion: not today and maybe not even when you turn twenty-five. I’ll set up some swim lessons so you can turn into a fish and grow a tail and fins if you get rid of those dolls you have all over your floor. I’ll stick money in the jar when I come in.” Lane’s tone is gentle, yet I sense something is bothering him. Something larger than his concern over Lexi talking about boys.

  “Daddy, people can’t turn into fish, and my dolls were taking a nap while I was gone. You always tell me we’ll talk about stuff later, and then we never do. You don’t ever go on dates with girls. Tristan says his mommy goes on dates all the time. Maybe you should go on a date with his mom. You never know, she could be the one for you and you could fall in love and live happily ever after just like Ariel and Eric in The Little Mermaid.” She giggles, the sound music to my ears.

  “Sweet Lord. Help me now. My daughter can be whatever she wants to be. Just not someone’s girlfriend. Tell Ellie thank you, go change, and pick up your room, we have someone coming to dinner, remember?”

  Silence and tension, they lash through the air so fast it could cause a windstorm.

  I turn around and my heart shatters when I see tears in Lexi’s eyes. She went from happy to nearly busting in tears in seconds.

  “I don’t want to meet her. Do I have to?” Lexi sulks, her little lips trembling as she fights not to cry.

  “Just this once, okay? If you don’t want to see her after this, you don’t have to, baby.” Lane kneels in front of her and gives a sympathetic look before drawing her into his arms, but there’s something wicked developing behind his eyes as he glances up to me.

  Confusion spins in my troubled mind, adding more to my weariness.

  Without saying anything more, Lexi pulls away from him and trudges toward me where I stand at the bottom of the steps leading into their house.

  “Thank you, Ellie.” Lexi grips hold of my leg; all that happiness has disappeared from her tiny little body. When I glance down, her small forehead is etched with lines, a frown on her face along with sadness. It has to do with whoever is coming over. She clings tightly to my leg for the longest time, her eyes begging me to stay. Something is going on here. Even though I want to ask what’s wrong, I know my place, it’s none of my business.

  “You doing okay?” Lane asks as soon as the door closes
behind Lexi.

  No, I’m not.

  I don’t want to discuss what’s going on and I certainly don’t want to talk about anything regarding Logan and me. It all gnaws away at my unhealed wounds. I appreciate Lane’s genuine concern, though.

  Logan has left me alone. He hasn’t sat outside in his SUV. Hasn’t called, texted. Not a word, and even though I miss him more every day, I’ve appreciated the time he’s given me. I’ve seen Gabe, and that’s because he hits the coffee shop, then comes into the store to chat a few times during the day. Not once has he brought up Logan.

  I’ve wanted to ask him how Logan is doing. Every time I start to ask, I figure he’d tell me to go find out for myself, so I turn the conversation onto other things. Like how it was to all of a sudden have three boys to take care of. It’s been quite entertaining to learn more about Gabe and his wife. I would have loved to have met her.

  “Yes, much better after Logan and I talked. Are you dating?” The last part burst out of my mouth without thinking. “I shouldn’t have asked that, I’m sorry.”

  “No, Ellie, you should ask. I know a genuinely caring person when I see one, and you care. I wouldn’t trust you with Lexi if I didn’t.”

  Something about him saying that calms the fitful racing of my heart, and I feel myself smiling in return.

  “Lane, how could I not care about her or any of you for that matter? I won’t turn my back on Lexi. That’s a promise.”

  “I know. You’d be surprised how many women pretend to care, Ellie. I’m not dating; Lord knows some days I wish I could. I made a promise to Lexi the day she was born that I wouldn’t put anyone or anything before her. Not like her mother did with her bullshit. Stephanie was the best mistake I made. It gave me Lexi and that little girl has made me see life in a different way. I’m taking it Logan didn’t tell you who the woman was that approached you in the restaurant.” The muscles in his jaw tick, and I read his anger loud and clear. It’s much like when he asked the woman to leave when he approached my table, only multiplied.

  I knew about Lexi’s mom deserting them, but the woman, I’m not sure where she fits in.

  I admire Lane for devoting himself to his daughter. He’s going to have his hands full with her. He’s raising her good. It shows with the way he cut her off by not raising his voice, and Lexi obeyed.

  “He didn’t. I guess with everything else going on, she slipped our minds.” I couldn’t care less about her or any others for that matter. They are the least of my worries right now — the least of my fears. Logan and I might be in the middle of our story, but I honestly don’t think they ever meant a thing to him.

  “She’s Lexi’s aunt, Sadie. Her mom’s sister.”

  Shock and anger it chips away at my heart.

  The look of evil on that woman’s face twists my stomach into knots. She’s rotten to the core. The thought of her being anywhere around Lexi makes me want to take her with me.

  I suck in a deep breath and will my heart to not speed up at the information along with the sadness edging from the corner of Lane’s eyes right to his pupils that expand.

  Pain and distrust radiate from him and all I can do is stand here and wait for him to tell me more while my mind spins in every direction.

  “I found out Lexi’s mom died a few months back the night hell went down with you. Whitney had been playing on Sadie’s grief. I’m not apologizing for what Sadie did. Grief does some crazy shit to people. Trust me, I know all too well, how it fucks people up. That in mind, I’m not comfortable with anyone from my ex’s family seeing my daughter.”

  Dread creeps down my spine. Whoever these people are, they must be bad. Lane doesn’t strike me as the type to keep family from Lexi. Not with the tight bond the Mitchell brothers have.

  “How did she die?” I ask through a scratch at the back of my throat.

  “Drugs. Let’s leave it at that. Try explaining to a little girl her mother who she’s never brought up is dead and suddenly she has an aunt who wants to see her. Lexi is too young to know the truth that’s been my life. I won’t lie to my daughter. Not about something like this. The thing I’m worried about now, Sadie has always had her head so far up her parents’ asses that I’m afraid she’ll try convincing me to let them see her.”

  “I’m so sorry, Lane. You don’t have to let her see Lexi. Why would you consider it?” Sadie’s face flashes through my mind right along with Lexi’s. If anyone hurts that precious child, I will unhinge.

  The silence coming from him gives me my answer as I think back to that night.

  “You agreed because of me, didn’t you?” This is far worse than I can imagine. Sadie isn’t a nice person. I will have to be convinced otherwise.

  “Yes and no. Sadie has been bugging me for years to see Lexi. I want no part of that family. I wasn’t in love with Steph and she knew it. The whole family did. I cared about her. Quit going to the club and never stepped out on her. Hell, at first I wasn’t sure Lexi was mine. The minute she was born, they did a paternity test. She’s mine. I would have loved her even if she wasn’t. The problem is that family is more messed up than mine.”

  I stand there frozen to my spot, lead feet and stomach filling with guilt as I listen to Lane tell me how he promised Sadie she could see Lexi if she told him everything she knew about Whitney. God, now that I know Whitney was going to kidnap Lexi if Logan didn’t give her money, I wish I would have beat her to death myself.

  Hearing this from him makes perfect sense as to why I felt loneliness and bitterness radiating off of him the day we met. Lane is living in fear for Lexi.

  “This doesn’t make sense. Why can’t you tell her you changed your mind or to screw off or something? She has no rights, none of them do.”

  Who the hell do these people think they are that they can come up here and tear up a little girl’s life?

  “You’re right, they don’t. They have power, Ellie. Enough influence to start a war if they choose. My whole world is inside that house, and she has no idea who this woman is that’s coming to see her other than she’s her aunt. I’m doing everything I can to figure this out. That’s one of the reasons I said yes when she asked me. There would have to be a cold day in Hell before I’ll let her convince me to see Lexi without me present. I don’t trust any of them.”

  “Does Logan know this?”

  Lane swears under his breath, his shoulders slumping. This poor man looks defeated.

  I can only imagine what he’s going through. The mother of his child walking away from their newborn. A man pacing the floor with a crying baby and tucking her in bed every night. Losing sleep and giving up finding love. It makes my chest ache. Of course, Logan told me all about Lexi’s mother but this; this angers me more than anything.

  It hurts too. Hurts in a way that has me wanting to stand here and wait for this woman to show up so I can tell her she’ll deal with me if she crosses the line.

  “This is Logan we’re talking about, he knows. Logan has protected Seth and me our entire lives. That part of him will never change, no matter how many times we tell him to stop. I wouldn’t be able to keep this from him if I tried. I was planning on telling you the next time I saw you. It just happens to be the day Sadie is coming over. Our family doesn’t keep secrets from one another, Ellie, and your family. You’ve changed my brother. Brought out the good in him and made him see he’s worth more than he believes. You’ve given him peace when he’s never had it before. Logan loves you, Ellie. The two of you will get through anything as long as you love him the way he deserves.”

  In spite of what Lane’s going through, I stand there becoming delirious. My heart and mind running side by side as the chains that have held me down unlock and drop to the ground.

  Protection, loyalty, safety, and love. They are right in front of me. They have been all along.

  They are about loyalty and family and trust.

  An unbreakable bond and I’m a part of it.

  Chapter 12

  Logan
/>   Triggers.

  We all have them. There’s something that causes that emotional stir to overtake your state of mind and send you into a rage of depression, panic, even thoughts of and committing murder.

  They can come at any time and decide to stick around for a while. They can disappear as quickly. They can gnaw away at your bones until they drive you fucking insane.

  They can come in many forms. In my case, the trigger that drives the man I’m here to see is a woman.

  Two women to be honest, and I’m going to pull his trigger chain until he chokes. No doubt, he’s going to do the same.

  I’m going to draw those triggers out of him and send his mind into a chaotic reel of madness.

  I want him to go out of his ever-loving mind because the sick fuck deserves it.

  Clearing my head, I glance to my left and blanch with disgust that ripples throughout me as I stop in my tracks, vomit roiling in my gut, threatening to spill out of my mouth and onto the stark white floor.

  “Jesus,” I mutter. As many times as I’ve been here, I don’t think the scene I usually glimpsed at and then ignored has bothered me as much as it does now.

  It shames me in disgust, rolls revulsion right through me.

  There’s a fuck fest in the prison courtyard where several couples are going at it on top of picnic tables, in the grass and dirt. It reminds me of the many times I watched and engaged in much the same at Behind Closed Doors. But here, no one pays a lick of attention to the men getting blow jobs, women getting slammed from behind and other sex acts except me. Not even the guards are watching.

  It’s like a cult praising the god of raw fucking.

  Corruption.

  It comes in as many varieties as triggers. Then again, I wouldn’t be sitting here if it wasn’t for that malicious word.